Help
by thepudz
Summary: Depression isn't just constant sadness. It is simply feeling nothing; a loss of all emotions. Apollo learns this after Clay's death, and struggles with his dark mind. The only source of light for him is his partner, Athena Cykes. She will do anything she can to help him.


People like to assume depression is a state of constant sadness, but really, it's a state of not feeling anything.

Apollo laid down in his bed, his leg slung over the side, just barely touching the ground; just barely feeling the softness of that carpet against his foot. He had his cheap speaker playing whatever depressing tracks he could find. He stared up at the ceiling, his eyes barely open, and his mind barely awake. He felt so tired, but he didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to eat, nor did he even want to get up.

What was the point, after all?

It was one in the afternoon, but he hadn't gotten a second of sleep in the last couple of days. His eyes therefore received grey bags underneath them, but he really stopped caring about his appearance at that point. His hair wasn't even in spikes; it was spread across the pillow beneath him. Nothing satisfied him anymore. Nothing gave him that familiar sense of accomplishment anymore, not even his job.

After Clay died, he's just been feeling nothing. No matter what he did, whether it was jogging to try and get his energy up, or watching Netflix to engage in something. He even tried to watch porn to get off to something, but he felt nothing. Nothing gave him any feeling, nothing at all. Now, it had been a week since he had come into work, and he didn't receive a single cent of pay because of this.

He didn't give a shit.

Nothing was worth a damn in this world, so what's the point? He won't go down in history as a famous celebrity or someone who changed the world, so why bother? There was no hope in this world.

Apollo got temptations to cut himself often. Depressed people always did that, he figured, so maybe he should join the cult. However, he didn't have a knife sharp enough, and didn't have the money to buy one. So he laid there, not a single mark on his body.

Clay was his childhood friend, and someone he knew his whole life. Clay made Apollo happy, and with him gone, Apollo's happiness went with him too. It had been a month since that trial, and Apollo still couldn't get over it.

Now he just laid on the bed, his shirt off and his shorts lazily put on. He'd lost quite a bit of weight to his absence of desire to eat or move. He had a bottle of half-finished whiskey to his right, as well as a few tissues and his phone. Apollo could spend hours staring at his dirty ceiling, thinking and thinking.

Apollo's phone vibrated. He slowly turned his head to the side, and saw it glowing as it faced the roof. He grabbed it, turning his body to the side to look at it. It was a text from his co-worker, Athena Cykes.

 _The office has been lonely without you. I got your work done so you wouldn't have a massive stack once you come back! It meant a hell of a lot of writing, but if it helped you, it was worth it!_

Apollo didn't smile, but he appreciated what Athena had done for him. He opened his phone to reply, but found those three dots of Athena already typing a message. He held off, and eventually, he received a second message.

 _Apollo… I miss you. I took the day off today and I'm on my way to your place. You know how stubborn I am, so don't try and tell me not to come. Just let me talk to you._

Apollo stared at the message, and Athena added one more text.

 _Please._

Apollo stared at the collection of those three texts from Athena, and he honestly couldn't find a response to give out. He simply sighed, closing his phone and placing it back on his bedside table. He stared up at the ceiling, and remembered his last interaction with that girl.

* * *

 _One week ago…_

The train jolted slightly, and Apollo rocked with it, his arms crossed as he leant against the side of the train, looking out the window. He looked up to his partner, dressed in her casual clothes of a yellow shirt and a blue pair of shorts. She, too, had her arms crossed and her gazed focused on the view outside of the window.

She noticed Apollo staring at her, and the man quickly looked down the ground, before slowly turning his eyes back to the window. They weren't on a case like usual, but instead were out on a walk. Athena noticed Apollo's recent shift in mood and wanted to help in any way she could, so she decided to take him to Yoro. It was a nearby forest that people told her was absolutely beautiful.

Apollo slowly shifted his eyes back to the girl, and saw that she was still staring at him. He figured it was too late to act like he was doing nothing, and stared back at her, causing her to smile. "How are you feeling?" She asked. He looked at her, before shifting his eyes to her feet.

"Shouldn't you be able to hear that?" He responded. She softly sighed.

"Just trying to make conversation." She whispered back. Apollo looked up to her defeated expression, and felt a tinge of guilt run through his stomach.

"Sorry…" Apollo choked out, looking out the window. Athena looked back to his face, and smiled again.

"It's okay." She had such a soothing voice when she was quiet, almost like an angel. Apollo didn't believe in angels, but he figured if they existed, they'd look like her. "I know you're struggling, Apollo. I can't exactly tell you to stop feeling sad. Trust me… I've been in your position before."

Apollo's eyes shifted to the orange hair girl, and his eyes saw the slight drop of her lips as a bit of sadness set in, her memory drawing back to her mother. However, she quickly restrained it. "I just hope that, even for a single second, I can make you feel a bit… Easier."

Apollo and Athena stared into each other's eyes, and although he didn't say it, Athena could tell Apollo was thanking him. The two quickly turned their heads away, and Apollo looked out his window again. The sun shined down onto the grassy but dirty hills that sped past them. Dead trees were scattered everywhere, a few with their branches missing, and a few that reined high, but had no leaves.

The clouds in the sky were separated and scattered, almost touching but not quite, allowing a lot of the blue sky to fill the atmosphere above all humans. Apollo looked to Athena, and she stared out the window, her mouth slightly open, her eyes slightly closed, and her hand slightly gripping her other arm. Her hair was done in a normal ponytail behind her, going down to her waist.

The train started to slow down, and the announcer finally said they had arrived in Yoro. No one got off except for Apollo and Athena, because to everyone else, this was just the middle of nowhere. There was a dirt path that led them deep into a distant batch of trees, all of which were actually alive. Apollo followed Athena into it, staring at the long thread of hair behind her, and the way her legs moved as she walked.

The two submerged themselves into nature, soon escaping the wind of the empty world and instead, hearing the chirps of birds as they entered a new, alive world. Athena didn't speak a single word as she held both her hands behind her back and looked around her. She spun her head to look at Apollo, and smiled. He simply gazed back at her, his expression completely blank. She looked ahead of her, seeing a few wooden planks placed across the path, showing her that they were close.

The sun could pierce through the individual gaps that the leaves above them created specks of light on the path before them. All around these two was just green; green trees, green bushes, green grass, and green light. The brown dirt beneath them contrasted with the entire atmosphere, and Apollo took the moment to look all around him at all of the color before him.

However, when Apollo looked ahead, he saw a bush in front of him. He saw Athena's orange hair slightly between the gaps of the green, and he pushed through the brush, making it onto the other side, and looking up.

"Told you it'd be beautiful, didn't I?" Athena asked.

Apollo looked around to see a river, the water so clear that he could see the bottom of it. Rocks and boulders scattered around the river and a tilted rock in the distance with water rushing down it. It wasn't a massive waterfall, but simply one peaceful lake passing into another down the side of a boulder that seemed to be coated in diamonds with how shiny it was.

The soft sound of rushing water filled Apollo's ears, along with the birds and bugs. Apollo looked at Yoro, and then back at Athena, who was in the process of taking her shoes off. They were slung to the side, and she softly placed her feet against the dirt path, curling her toes into it and feeling the soft but crunchy sensation made by the brown floor. She slowly made her way down the rocks that lead into the river, her feet now against the cold, hard surface of this boulder.

She nearly reached the water, and sat before it, dipping her dirty feet into the water and clearing away all the mess. She grabbed her hair-tie, and removed it, letting her orange silk flow freely. Apollo couldn't help but stare at this woman, this being of pure magnificence that seemed to be too good for this cruel world. She turned around to look at Apollo, and her soft lips curved into a smile. The woman spoke, and music came out.

"Care to join me?"

Apollo removed his own shoes, and went down to sit next to Athena. The water was cool, slowly moving around his feet and soothing the feeling of roughness created by the rock and dirt. Apollo looked to the orange hair girl, who was focused on her own feet, swishing them in the water back and forth on opposite ends, before dragging her left foot over to Apollo's right, tapping it against him.

"Got you!" She giggled, her eyes slightly closing as she did. Apollo stared at her feet after they made contact with his. She had a bright smile on her face, and looked up to the man next to her. "Your heart seems lighter."

Apollo stared back at her, not a single word escaping his mouth, and his expression never changing. He was simply lost in her beauty. She looked down at the water again, and spoke. "We live in a pretty terrific world, Apollo."

Her gaze went back up to the sky, and Apollo followed it, looking up to the clouds. "Unfortunately, our vision is plagued by darkness most of the time, and we are unable to see the beautiful sights all around us. We are blocked from the magnificence of this planet by greed and misfortune, money and government, politics and cruel, cruel people. All we ever hear about anymore is how everything is going to shit, or the next financial crisis, or the next president, or murder, shootings, bombings, and war. Humans have a tendency to destroy so much."

Athena swished her feet around in the water, a soft smile still on her face. "However…" She brushed a slither of hair covering her face away to her ear, and looked to Apollo. "If we take a minute, just a minute, to stop and look around… We might be able to appreciate how lucky we are. The grass grows ever so slowly, the trees shed and recover leaves, the water flows all around Earth, and the animals come in all different shapes and sizes. Apollo… We live in such a terrific place, and there are terrific people out there as well."

Athena placed a hand on Apollo's cheek. "You're one of them. Okay?"

Apollo stared deeply into Athena's eyes, and felt the sudden temptation to kiss her. Her lips looked so delightful, and he wanted to taste them, to feel them. However, he lost that opportunity when all he could say was, "Okay."

She slowly dragged her hand away from his cheek, and got up onto her feet. "Do you want to go back now?"

Apollo looked at the river again, taking all of it in one last time, before also getting up. "Sure."

When Apollo and Athena made their way back to the train stop, Athena checked the programme. Apollo saw her eyes widen, and she placed a hand over her mouth. "Oh, no…"

"What's up?" Apollo asked. Athena looked over to the man, her eyes apologetically looking into his.

"I didn't realize that train we took was the last for today… The next one arrives at ten in the morning tomorrow. Apollo, I am so sorry." She said to him. Normally, he'd sigh and say some sort of judgemental statement to the girl for her miscalculation. However, he simply replied with a few words.

"Let's just walk back then."

Athena stared back at the man, and then smiled at him. "We've got enough hours of daylight to do it… Sure!"

Athena flung herself over the railing of the train stop, landing on the dirt below and walking on the train track back to where they came from. Apollo simply walked down the stairs to follow her. The two of them set their path down the road leading home.

A long, long road.

* * *

After about an hour, the pair were down a long, grey road with grass on the sides of it. Above them were large powerlines held up by the structures beneath them. The grass was interrupted by bushes at points, and the road curved on for miles.

"Thanks for coming with me, Apollo." Athena spoke to the man, trying to step on each crack in the road. "I know it might be hard for you to get out these days… But I really appreciate it."

Apollo looked back at the girl, and nodded. "You're welcome."

The two continued down this long, long road.

* * *

When the sun was setting on the horizon, the pair finally recognized the road they were on. The road was high and far away from the city, dirt and grass scattered around, and wooden posts joined together besides them to prevent anyone falling down the large drop.

"Look at that, Apollo." Athena sighed in awe as she looked to her right. Apollo followed, looking at the city before them. Large scale buildings, roads everywhere, and the orange glow behind it all, illuminated the society they lived in. A large ocean to the right of the city ended nowhere, going over the curved horizon. The blue was almost hypnotizing, but it was broken by the yellow, green and brown of the Earth.

"It's amazing what people can do." Athena said, looking away from the sight. Apollo slowly nodded, and looked down at the ground again. His legs were sore.

It was nearly done.

* * *

As the night sky darkened the Earth, Apollo and Athena reached the front of his apartment building, and stopped. The crickets chirped continuously, and Apollo could see the girl before him as the light above her shine down on her.

"I hope you won't be too sore after all that!" Athena chuckled slightly. She smiled again at him, and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Thanks again. This… This was a beautiful day."

Apollo placed his hand atop of hers, and slowly and softly, he smiled. "It was."

Apollo stared into the girl's eyes. "It's good to see you smile, Apollo." She spoke softly. She took her hand away, and spoke her last words.

"I'll be seeing you at work, okay?" She said. Apollo looked at her, and slightly nodded. She walked past him, and left him standing in the middle of the road, in front of his complex. He looked behind him to see her walking, both her hands behind her back, and gazed at her until she disappeared into the distance.

He looked back at his feet, and walked to his apartment.

It was finished.

* * *

 _Present day…_

Apollo heard a knock at his door, interrupting his thoughts. He didn't even bother to clean up or put on a shirt, so he slogged out of bed and made his way to the door, yawning as he did. He saw the orange hair through the window his apartment, and knew it was her. He opened his door to find her in her cool outfit. Blue sweater and darker blue jeans.

She smiled at him. "Hey, Apollo. How are you doing?"

He let her in, and the answer was obvious by how messy his apartment was. She looked at all of the scraps everywhere, and saw Apollo sit on the surprisingly clean couch. She sat next to him, looking at him as he rubbed his face with his hand.

"I've missed you, Apollo. It's hard working alone in the office… I don't do very well alone." Athena said, which shot a tinge of guilt into Apollo. Athena heard it, and backtracked. "Sorry… I'm not blaming you for anything, it's just… I want to help you."

Athena could only hear misery in Apollo's heart as he spoke back. "There is nothing you can do to help me…"

Athena continued to look at him. "Are you sure? I can clean this place up if you want." She offered, but he stayed silent. "I can take you out somewhere! Take you to see Trucy, do you want that?" She asked again, and received no response. "I can give you some alone time… Something… Apollo, please, is there anything I can do to even slightly help you?"

Apollo heard Athena's voice slightly break with that last word, and he looked to see her eyes filled with tears, which she was clearly trying to hold back. "It hurts to see you like this." She slightly sobbed. Apollo reached out a hand to wipe her tears, but she looked away.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be okay…" She said, wiping the tears from her eyes. Apollo lowered his hand, and looked down at the floor of his apartment, before finally speaking.

"Why do you want to help me?" He asked. Athena looked at him, and spoke softly.

"Because you're my friend and I care about you." She responded.

"Why am I your friend though?" Apollo growled. "Why would you ever want to be around someone who made you so damn miserable? When you were going through your most difficult time, I turned on you and accused you of murder! We had been through so much together and I was throwing all of that away, because I'm a selfish asshole who couldn't see straight! I hurt you so much and nearly ruined your life, and I would've been glad if I did back then! I hurt you, and you want to help me?!"

Apollo didn't even realize tears had started to pour from his eyes. "I don't deserve to have someone as amazing as you help me… I don't even deserve to be alive." He looked at the ground. "Everyone would be glad if I died."

There was a long, long silence after Apollo's rant. He finished finally, with a few words. "I let my best friend die… And I was trying to ruin your life… I'm a monster."

"Apollo, do you really think I'd be glad if you died?" Athena responded. Apollo looked to her, tears filling her eyes. "Do you think I'd be glad? I've been so miserable spending a week alone at the office. I can't imagine spending a lifetime alone. If you died… Do you think I'd be glad trying to comfort Trucy every day? Do you think I'd be glad trying to break the news to Phoenix of your death? Do you think I'd be glad going to your funeral and having to deliver a speech of how much you mattered to me, and barely making it through because my heart would be so broken?!"

Athena spoke louder. "If you died, nothing would matter anymore, do you understand me?! Sure, I have a few friends, but you are my world, and losing you would mean losing everything! I know you messed up, but so have I! We all do stupid stuff all the time, that's what makes us human! What really matters is if we forgive each other… And I forgave you the instant you took those bandages off. I don't care that you accused me… I don't care that you worked against me… I'm still here, and I am helping you because I care about you! I know what it's like to lose people, Apollo… But I don't know what it's like to receive comfort after it."

Athena wiped her tears. "I don't want you to experience that. You deserve the help anyone can give you. I want to be here for you… Because I love you, Apollo."

Apollo stared at the orange hair girl, his mouth open and tears still pouring down his cheeks. She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "You don't need to say anything, Apollo. Just please… Don't leave me. I promise you that things will get better, and I will be here to help you every step along the way."

Athena was right in that this world is beautiful, and if Apollo just stopped to appreciate it for one second… He could appreciate how lucky he was.

In the end, Apollo didn't need anything complex or miraculous to help him. He didn't need any material or video or anything. He didn't need a therapist or pills. Apollo just needed one thing.

The embrace, warmth and comfort of the girl he loved.


End file.
